


parkour man

by mabufus



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 08:02:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12552924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mabufus/pseuds/mabufus
Summary: “How did you get sick anyways?”“…I don’t want to tell you.”“…Why not?”Rhys faces away from her. “It’s stupid. You’re going to make fun of me.”





	parkour man

**Author's Note:**

> does parkour exist in the borderlands universe? who knows. does it now for sure? yes. 
> 
> this was originally gonna be a fluffy first kiss fic. but. that did not happen. at all.

“Rhys, you look _awful_.”

“Thank you, Sasha. I really appreciate it. I feel so good about myself right now. I totally don’t feel like—” Rhys stops to sneeze. “like I’m dying or anything.”

“Are you Hyperions always so… _dramatic_? It’s just a cold. Fiona and I have been through way worse and we didn’t have Felix taking care of us.”

Rhys thinks a moment about addressing the fact that Felix isn’t really the soft, feeds you chicken noodle soup and puts on your favorite cartoons when you’re sick type of caregiver. He decides to keep his mouth shut and instead gives her a glare. “If Vaughn wasn’t sick too, I’d have him help me. But he is. So it’s just you and me. Yay.”

“Why didn’t you guys just have a pity party together or something?”

“ _I can barely move my body_ ,” Rhys groans.

Sasha grins at him. “I kind of wish Fiona was here.”

“So she could take photographic evidence and blackmail me in the future? _No thanks_.”

“Are you saying I won’t?” Sasha says, approaching Rhys’s bed.

Rhys freezes. He did not think about that. He picked Sasha to call because she was the lesser of two evils. The playful grin widening on her face as she inched closer and closer to him, made Rhys almost reevaluate his choices.

“I…hope not?”

Sasha hits him playfully on the shoulder. “I’m just messin’ with ya, Hyperion.”

“Will you stop calling me that?”

“Okay, okay. Sorry, Rhys.”

“ _Thank you_.”

“So…what do I do, exactly? Do I just like…keep you company or something?”

Rhys scratches the back of his head. “I mean, kind of? Also making sure that I don’t die would be nice, too. Also…could you…get me some more tissues? And some… _soup_.” His voice cracks on the last word. “ _I hate being sick_.” He mumbles into his pillow.

It’s taking Sasha everything she has in her to not laugh. Which apparently is not a lot, because she immediately bursts out laughing.

“It’s kind of weird to see you out of it.” Sasha admits. She sits on his bedside. “To see you be…normal.”

“What am I when I’m not sick?”

“Kind of annoying.” Sasha says without missing a beat.

“ _Ow_.”

“I didn’t say really annoying!” Sasha says defensively.

“Right,” Rhys mumbles before blowing his nose into a tissue, “because that makes it _so_ much better.”

“I think it does,” Sasha says, and Rhys can hear the grin in her voice.

Rhys groans, and places the tissue box over his face. “This is _literally_ the worst. What do you usually do when you’re sick?”

“I just…kind of get over it, I guess?”

“That’s terrifying on _so_ many levels.” Rhys mumbles into the tissue box. “That’s not even human. How do you just… _get over being sick_? ”

“This coming from the guy with a cybernetic arm and an ECHO eye?”

…She’s got him there. He turns away from her in his bed, and Sasha laughs, knowing full well that she had won.

There’s a moment of silence.

“They’ve really helped us, you know.”

“Turn back over, nerd.” Sasha says.

“Why?” Rhys asks, but he’s already turning over, facing Sasha again. His cheeks are red again like before, but not from the cold or whatever had him coughing and blowing nose nearly every five seconds.

Sasha gently touches Rhys’s forehead. “ _Geez_!” she mutters and immediately pulls her hand back. “Your forehead is _hot_!”           

Rhys shrinks in his covers. “Yes, I know.”

“Why aren’t you _sweating_?”

“Oh, _I am_. You just can’t see it. I’m sweating on my _back_.” Rhys says the last part with disgust dripping in his voice.

“Oh. That’s gross.”

“ _Yes_ , _I know_.” Rhys repeats weakly.

Sasha leaves his side, which causes Rhys to panic for a quick second.

“Where are you going?”

“To get towels. So you’re not laying in your own sweat. Why are you freaking out? Afraid I’m gonna go through your stuff or something?”

“Please don’t.”

“I won’t, I won’t,” Sasha assures him, “if you tell me where your towels are, that is.”

“In the bathroom, hanging on the towel rack.”

“Back in a flash,” Sasha says, and with that she’s gone. She returns with a slightly damp yellow towel adorned with stars and a look of disgust on her face. “Is this the only towel you have? Also what’s up with all the stars?”

“I have _more_ ,” Rhys says defensively. “It’s the closest one. Sweat is gross.”

“Sure,” Sasha says, giving Rhys a famous grin. “Sit up,” she says as she holds him up a bit. She places the towel underneath him and gently lays him back down. “That better?”

Rhys nods. “ _So_ much better. Thank you.”

Sasha winks at him. “My pleasure, Hyp—Rhys.”

He gives her another glare.

“How did you get sick anyways?”

“…I don’t want to tell you.”

“…Why not?”

Rhys faces away from her. “It’s stupid. You’re going to make fun of me.”

Sasha grins. “You’re probably right, but you should still tell me. If you tell me I’ll give you soup.”

“Are you seriously going to refuse a sick person soup if they don’t tell you a stupid story?”

“Yes.”

Rhys sighs. “Oh my _God_. _Fine_. So last night…Vaughn and I went out to get drinks.” He pauses and sighs once more.

“And?”

“It was raining. We were both…drunk.”

Sasha watches him thoughtfully. “Yes?”

Rhys closes his eyes. “We thought it’d be super hilarious to dance and get soaked in the rain.”

It didn’t take Sasha long to explode with laughter.

“ _Unfortunately_ ,” Rhys continues, voice filled with venom that only a hungover individual could righteously understand, “that’s not the worst part.”

“Please, _please_ continue.” Sasha says, trying to suppress her giggles.

“We also thought it’d be really cool to try…parkour.”

“You did not.”

“ _We did_. Do I have to continue this story? This is the most embarrassed I’ve ever been in my life.”

“Absolutely.” Rhys could hear the grin in her voice. It was _very_ annoying.

“I literally hate this so much.” Rhys takes a deep breath. He grabs the tissue box and covers his face once more. “I can’t remember exactly what happened, but we ended up passing out and waking up in the middle of nowhere, soaked to our bones. I don’t even know how we managed to both get home. Vaughn called me, but he was still pretty messed up. I could hear him snoring on the other line. …It took me 5 minutes to figure out he passed out again before I finally just ended the call.”

“I’m literally so happy right now.”

“ _Please make me soup. I’m dying._ ”

“It would honestly be my pleasure.”

“Chicken noodle, please,” Rhys calls weakly after her when Sasha disappears out of the room again.

“Anything for you, Parkour Man.” He hears Sasha call back.


End file.
